I could answer this very simply with the usual ‘My name is Emma, I have 3 children, I live in a cottage and run a small sewing business…’ because really, if you want to get down to the nitty gritty of everydayness, that’s it. That’s who I am.
But I’m not sure you want to hear about the everyday nitty gritty (boring) bits of who I am and, actually, I’m not sure I really want to write just that. I’m one of those who over thinks things as I ponder, go deep into a subject and find things that weren’t even probably intended.
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
I’m the one liked to sing around the house whilst I washed up making up the lyrics as I did. I’m the one who ran round her village playing a hide and seek game for hours and hours. I’ve never been fitter…
I’m the one who used to work too much in a pub to pay the bills as a teenager and drank far too much too early. I’m the one who went to live in London aged 18 and I never went home to live properly again. I’m the one who lived on a narrowboat, learned to ride a motorbike, tried to ride a horse but I’m the one who kept falling off. I’m the one who married a man she met on the internet (12 years going strong so it can’t be that weird or bad!) I’m the one who had a baby and wanted her job back but it didn’t happen so I’m the one that had to leave the job she loved.
I’m the one who had depression, who’s beloved friend committed suicide. I was the one sobbing at her funeral wondering if I could have said or done anything differently. I’m the one who was forlorn for months afterwards. I’m the one who remembers her in a place where no-one knew her.
I’m the one who struggles with motherhood. I’m the one who loves her children so much that her heart could burst but I’m the one that finds full time motherhood difficult as I have melted into the shadows whilst those with more interesting work hold the spotlight. I’m the one who doesn’t know if she’s ever getting it right as the doubts are always near to the surface.
I’m the one who has the perfect life as lots of people tell me. But I’m the one who knows the truth that no-ones life is perfect if you just take the time to stand and look or delve just a little beneath the surface. Behind the façade I’m the one who looks out onto others lives and I’m the one who wonders…
I’m the one who writes and makes and teaches. I’m the one who needs creativity otherwise I am truly sad. Writing saves me, gets my thoughts out on paper -or into the computer at least. I am the one who loves it that people what I write. You are reading so I thank you for making me happy.
We are all so much more than our superficial statistics of how old we are, how many children we have, where do we live and what do we do. I am the person who chooses the pink fabric to go with the green, the one who likes to live where there are no straight lines and loves to feel the breeze on my face when I wake up.
Maybe the question shouldn’t be ‘Who am I?’ maybe it needs to be ‘Am I who I want to be?’
I’m the one who doesn’t know…